it breaks my heart that i can’t give you that piece of me. i wish i could have seen what an amazing man god had in store for me instead of paying mind to every man that said nice things to me. it hurts my heart because of how much hate i feel towards them for treating me like i don’t exist. i am so sorry.

let myself go…

ive noticed that ever since my boyfriend and i got together, ive let myself go. ive gained ALOT of weight and just stopped caring what i look like. i dont know why though. i want to try to look better for him. yes, he loves me no matter what but i feel like im letting him down. just because we are in a relationship now doesnt mean i should stop looking like i always did.

youtube videos?

i really think i want to start making youtube videos to help people who are going through what ive gone through. ive seen how much youtube can really impact a way someone thinks and to opening their mind. im not quite sure though. im still, debating. 

asker

candaceelizabeth asked: Thank you so much for all of the advice. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who is going through this. It's hard holding this all inside, the only person I really talk to about this stuff with is my boyfriend, so it's nice talking to someone else. I will probably hold off on telling my parents and just see where me and my boyfriend's relationship goes and if we are still together after I graduate from high school in a few months, which I believe we will, then I will tell them.

oh you’re welcome! anytime you need some advice you’re welcome to message me (: i understand how hard it can be! i hope everything works out (:

merry christmas from us to you (:

merry christmas from us to you (:

ten ways to love.

pseudonym6:

1.Listen without interrupting. (Proverbs 18)
2.Speak without accusing. (James 1:19)
3.Give without sparing. (Proverbs 21:26)
4.Pray without ceasing. (Colossians 1:9)
5.Answer without arguing. (Proverbs 17:1)
6.Share without pretending. (Ephesians 4:15)
7.Enjoy without complaint. (Philippians 2:14)
8.Trust without wavering. (Corinthians 13:7)
9.Forgive without punishing. (Colossians 3:13)
10.Promise without forgetting. (Proverbs 13:12)

(via loopboypheezy-deactivated201208)

asker

candaceelizabeth asked: So I saw your post about your relationship with your boyfriend and I started to cry. I am dating a black guy and have been for a little over a month. My parents don't agree with interracial relationships, so I have to hide this from them. I wish I didn't though, because he makes me happy and I just feel different with him. I just wanted to know how you told your parents or if they know and how did you tell them? And how did they react?

hey, im sorry i just now saw this. yes, my parents know. my boyfriend and i have now been dating for just over a year. my parents are divorced and i live with my mom. of course she knew but doesnt have a problem with it. my dad is very predjudice so i did hide it from him for a few months but he soon found out via Facebook. he no longer speaks to me and just recently my moms mother has been being racist towards him. my only advice that I would want to give you is that you have to be prepared for people and their opinions. people are always going to hate on your relationship. but you h e to over come that by trusting your boyfriend to be there for you when they aren’t. go read my recen post. I fel that it will help. (:

it will never end.

its been a little over a year since i began dating than man i plan to call my husband. its been a little over nine months since the man who birthed me and his parents walked out of my life. and its been a little over three months since my mother’s parents began to walk out of my life. its been a little less than twenty-four hours since i received a phone call from my mother informing me that my grandmother was uninviting my boyfriend to our christmas.

i got angry, discouraged, upset, frustrated, any word you can think of… i suddenly became it. i sat in my room crying, screaming, and feel all of this hate towards my grandmother. after all, i had just talked to her a few days before and she never once mentioned that he was not welcome. my boyfriend and i had planned our entire day already and now in less than twenty-four hours we had to change our plans because of her hatred. in that moment i realized how much of a coward my grandmother was, how my entire family was just a bunch of cowards. after years and years of looking up to and adoring my family i realized in one split second exactly who they were. and i was ashamed. for the first time in my life i was truly ashamed of every single member of my family. even my mother and my brother, who say they support me but yet im the only one standing up for whats right. 

over the past year or year and a half, i have become (in my opinion) closer to god than ever before in my life. i look to him when i know i do not have the strength to do something on my own and when i know i have the strength i continue to trust in him to help me pursue that strength. i believe with everything in me that god brought this man into my life for a special reason. and i know that god has wonderful plans for us as a couple, as friends, as children of him, in so many ways. so tell what could possibly be wrong with a man that is bringing me closer to the one man that is responsible for my every breath? 

in the bible it refers to eve as “the mother of all living”. meaning, all humans from every race are a straight descendant of adam and eve. therefore we are all brothers and sisters and we are all related. we all come from the same place, we are all the same. how can you argue when it is straight from the word of god. never once in the bible does it say that interracial marriage is forbidden. 

i will stand by my relationship and my beliefs for as long as i live. i know that my family will never change but i cant help but hope they do. it kills me, everyday to know that my family could careless what goes on in my life. all of this arguing and hating has taken a toll on me. i would give anything and everything to just have one conversation with my father, a mature conversation. i want to discuss this, to show him how happy i am without screaming and cursing. i want my grandparents to wake up and realize that money is not the most important thing in the world. ironically its family and love. who can survive with no family and no love? i know i couldnt. which hurts me even more. all of my family gatherings are awkward and weird. no one wants to offend anyone. and trust me, i do not blame my boyfriend for anything. he cannot help that he is a different race. he cannot help that im white. ive learned that you cant pick and choose who you call mom and dad but you do get to choose who your kids call mom or dad (depending on if youre a girl or guy) 

i know that there will always be somebody in this world that has something negative to say about my relationship. im not going to sit here and tell you to keep your mouth closed because everyone has the right to say whatever they want to say. however, i have the right to be with whoever i want to be with. i will always love my family and i will continue to pray for them every single night. however, i am not going to let him go. there comes a point in everyone’s life that they need to start putting the needs of themselves first. if i plan on marrying this man one day, i need to begin protecting my own family that i started myself. 

if someone cannot accept who i am and what i believe in… then they just cannot accept it. i am not going to force it down their throats but i will continue to live my life they way i want to. 

although i get upset and get mad and say things i do not mean, it will always hurt me. that pain will never go away. my family can apologize has much as they like and i can forgive them a million times but i will never be able to cover up the scars they left. it literally kills me to deal with this. having to choose between two things that you love with all you have and would take a bullet for. who do you choose? do you even choose? 

from this moment on, and even more than i already have been, i am putting this solely in god’s hands. he is my lord and savior. i trust him with all that i am and i know that he has something marvelous planned for me. he opened the door for friends and family members to leave so i know he must have seen the devil alive in them. i know the lord will protect me and guide me on the right path. im changing who i am because i know its what god needs me to do. 

this entire situation has taught me that i cannot control every little detail of my life. sometimes you just have to let go and let god.